Becoming a Woman of a Certain Age

Elizabeth Denniss

“Becoming a woman of a certain age”,  is an olde world phrase that refers to a time in life that brings a unique set of challenges and opportunities. For many women, this stage of life is marked by significant changes, both physical and emotional, that require acceptance, adaptation, and resilience.

Perimenopause and menopause are two life stages often linked with the statement “becoming a woman of a certain age” but there are other mile markers.  Late neurodivergent diagnosis is an emerging reality for many women already struggling through menopause.  This can be due to hormonal changes during perimenopause and menopause such as the decline in estrogen which can amplify neurodivergent traits including emotional regulation, sensory sensitivities, and executive functioning. 

I realized I had become a woman of a certain age when my employer corresponded with me during an extended period of both paid and unpaid leave, taken due to battling a range of health challenges.  I was advised that I was required to have medical certification stating I was fit for work, by a specified date, or risk termination of my employment. 

I was shocked.  Earlier that year I had received an award (after 20 years of industry service) acknowledging my experience, profound understanding of the industry and my empowering leadership style.  I had been proactively addressing a range of health issues during my time off, motivated by a strong desire to do my best work moving forward in life.

After the initial shock wore off, I realized that the majority of health challenges that had triggered my time away from work were related to my age.  They included menopause, late neurodivergent  diagnosis as a Highly Sensitive Person with Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and neurodivergent burnout. All of which impacted neurological and executive functioning and provided my medical team a constant challenge in terms of ongoing management and recovery. 

In her groundbreaking book “Divergent Mind” Jenara Nerenberg boldly states “An entire demographic of women is now being referred to as a ‘lost generation’, because an extensive amount of depression and anxiety surface as a result of internal experiences that don’t match up with what the world expects or how the world views such women – since they appear to function “normally” to the outside world.

Regardless of how we feel about aging, there are common experiences that occur during this transformative period.  Identifying them can be empowering as we consider how to accept and embrace this precious time in our lives.

Perimenopause and Menopause bring a range of changes on the physical level including:

·       Hormonal Shifts - the transition to menopause can bring about hot flashes, night sweats, mood swings, brain fog, digestive issues, weight gain, impaired executive function, and a host of other symptoms. It's a natural part of aging, but it can be challenging to manage.  We can experience impaired thyroid function, weight gain and an increase in cholesterol levels, regardless of how well we manage our diet. These can all be attributed to changing hormone levels.

·       Skin and Hair Changes - reduced collagen production leads to wrinkles and sagging skin. Hair may thin or change in texture, requiring new beauty routines and for some, the consideration of plastic surgery as we begin to see visible signs of our body aging.

·       Bone Density - osteoporosis becomes a concern, increasing the risk of fractures and other bone-related issues.

Beyond the physical, this phase of life often brings emotional and psychological challenges:

·       Identity and Purpose- many women grapple with questions of identity and purpose, triggered by diminishing energy levels, family or workplace difficulties as the health challenges associated with this stage of life increase. Workplaces often fail to provide a psychologically safe environment for women to navigate this time of transition.

·       Mental Health -  late diagnosis of neurodivergence, hormonal changes and other triggers can cause anxiety, depression, and loneliness to increase.

·       Self-Worth – society often places undue value on youth, leading to feelings of diminished self-worth as women age. Workplaces often fail to provide a psychologically safe environment for women to navigate this time of transition which can led to feelings of failure, regardless of career success to date.

While the challenges are real, this phase of life can be exciting because it offers numerous opportunities for growth and fulfillment, including:

·       Rediscovering Purpose and Passions – as life changes in and around us, many women allow themselves to rediscover old passions or explore new ones.  This is often a time when women will give up the corporate world, partly due to societal animosity towards women of a certain age  and partly because we start to realize we are running out of time – life is too short!

·       Health and Wellness -  focusing on health and wellness becomes more important because we can feel our bodies changing.  Regular exercise, a balanced diet, and mindfulness practices become a greater priority to ensure we can maintain quality of life as we continue to age.

·       Strengthening Connections - strengthening relationships becomes a greater priority as we realize our time is our greatest asset; we become more conscious of investing our time wisely.  

·       Wisdom and Experience - the wisdom and experience we have gained over the years is invaluable. Sharing knowledge and mentoring others in the workplace, family or wider community can be incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. Advocating for equity in the workplace is an opportunity and cause we may choose to take up.

·       Self-acceptance - embracing who we are becomes easier as the pressure of living up to societal norms becomes less achievable.  We  find a certain freedom to recognize and celebrate the true beauty and strength that come with age, and we discover this is empowering and liberating.

Becoming a woman of a certain age is not without its challenges, but it also brings a wealth of opportunities for growth, self-discovery, and fulfillment. By acknowledging and embracing these changes, we can navigate this phase of life with grace, resilience, and a renewed sense of purpose. After all, age is not just a number; it's a testament to a life well-lived and the promise of more to come.

Remember, you are not alone in this journey. Lean on your support networks, seek out resources, and embrace the wisdom that comes with age. The best is yet to come.

Words 

Elizabeth Denniss