Navigating Neurodivergence: Unmasking the Invisible Struggles of Women

• Elizabeth Denniss

• Neurodiversity

In recent years, there has been growing recognition and understanding of neurodivergence, a term that encompasses various neurological differences such as autism, Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, dyslexia, and Asperger’s Syndrome, to name a few.

Until recently, the majority of research and discourse in this field has focused on men.  It is now evident that there is a crucial conversation to be had about the unique experiences of neurodivergent women, particularly when it comes to masking and navigating life without even realizing it.

In her book Divergent Mind, Jenara Nerenberg describes masking as “a conscious or unconscious effort to hide and cover one’s own self from the world, as an attempt to accommodate others and coexist”.  When I read these words I was dumbfounded. This was me.  I was 53, recently diagnosed as a highly sensitive person with ADHD and neurodivergent burnout.  The burnout was a  direct result of a lifetime of unconscious masking. 

The diagnosis pathway had been both confronting and comforting as dots about myself finally began to join up. I realized that a very young age I must have learned to mimic the behaviours and communication styles of neurotypical individuals in an effort to blend in and avoid scrutiny.  I certainly do not recall making a conscious decision about doing this, and am now faced with the reality that after a lifetime of masking I have the opportunity to explore who I am.  Giving myself permission to be me is the first tentative step I am taking.  I am not sure exactly what “being me” means yet, so I am currently masking as a strategy.  This is important because while masking can be a coping mechanism, it often comes with significant emotional and psychological costs.

Masking Without Awareness

Like me, many neurodivergent women engage in masking without even realizing it. This unawareness can stem from a variety of factors:

• Late Diagnosis: Women are often diagnosed with neurodivergent conditions much later in life than men. This delay can lead to years of masking behaviours becoming deeply ingrained.

• Social Conditioning: Societal expectations for women to be nurturing, empathetic, and socially adept can pressure neurodivergent women into masking their true selves.

• Internalized Ableism: Negative perceptions of neurodivergence, whether from society or internalized beliefs, can compel women to hide their differences.

The Cost of Masking

As I have learned the emotional toll of masking can be immense. Constantly suppressing one's natural behaviours can lead to:

• Burnout: The effort required to maintain a facade can be exhausting, leading to physical and mental burnout. 

• Anxiety and Depression: The fear of being "found out" or judged can contribute to chronic anxiety and depression.

• Loss of Self-Identity: Over time, the line between the masked self and the true self can blur, leading to a loss of self-identity and authenticity.

Moving Forward and Embracing Authenticity

For neurodivergent women who have masked without knowing it, the journey toward unmasking and embracing their true selves can be both challenging and liberating. Finding a starting point can prove paralysing.  Here are some steps to navigate this journey:

• Self-Education: Understanding neurodivergence and recognizing the signs and symptoms in oneself is the first step. This can involve reading books, attending workshops, or connecting with neurodivergent communities.

• Seeking Support: Professional support from therapists, coaches or counsellors who specialize in neurodivergence can provide valuable insights and coping strategies. 

• Practicing Self-Compassion: Being kind and patient with oneself during the unmasking process is crucial. It takes time to unlearn years of masking behaviours and begin to consider embracing authenticity.

If you or someone you know is on this journey, remember that unmasking is a deeply personal process. Embrace the journey, celebrate the small victories, and know that you are not alone.